Days 5 through 10...

My review stalled at day 4 of Phil Wagner book. Forgive me blogsphere, life became busy causing my adult ADD to neglect finishing my posts. Stay tuned and be well.

Day 4, Trust

As a career retail banker, trust its been a key to my success. If a customer can't trust you, or your team, and in turn company, you have nothing to build a solid relationship.

When trust is broken, infidelity in marriage for instance, it's often the end.  I have examples in my head of folks I've met over the years that on broke the trust, and the other couldn't forgive.

Phil points out that the first thing is admit error, ask for forgiveness and commit to do whatever it takes to earn back trust.  "Honesty is the currency that buys it back over time."

Not immediate fix but over time.  Another hard thing to grasp in our instant information and gratification world.

There is other excellent information, looking at the upbringing of each person and the impact of their role models on trust and what happens if it's broken.  Gina and I joke that after our first fight as a married couple, we thought oh my, we need to get attorneys, it's over.  Phil points out something we learned-- we aren't going anywhere, it's safe to talk.  Then no one bottles up issues and heads for that river in Egypt- denial.

@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com

Day 3, Admiration

In our instant info world, Admiration is lost art. At best its fleeting.

Phil has a great concept of Admiration Ladder.
Top rung is Admiration, then Endorsement, Acceptance and bottom is Rejection.

He says most relationships are middle rung of Acceptance and sadly, neglect can lead down to rejection.  His challenge is to move up two rungs to Admiration.  Tools are offered to make this leap.  Recognize and admire our differences.  I think this is oft forgotten.  Opposites attract as it allows a couple to be more than the individual alone.  I'm an introvert, my wife an extrovert.  Need to recognize, admire and celebrate each others uniqueness.

This chapter has a great section on the differences between men and women.  I enjoyed examples of couples working through the ladder as they neared rejection and divorce. Overcoming examples from our past, learning and making a change for the better as well as example for next generation as children learn.

His challenge is on Day 3 get on rung of acceptance but don't stop there, work to move up to Admiration.

@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com

Day 2, Honor

We have all heard, Honor thy father and mother.
How about honor your spouse?
It's part of the marriage vows too.
Thanks Phil, we all hear them at weddings, say them at ours, but how quickly we forget?
Our society is very self driven, and honoring  person other than yourself does not come easy.
There are great tips and I'll end with this update to the grass is always greener.

"I would like to suggest a more positive spin: "The grass is always green where you water it."

@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com

Day 1; Priorities

Philip challenges us to ponder our priorities for our marriage on Day 1.  And being a Pennsylvania.  Dutchman, born and raised, we are glass is half empty types.  Half empty with a crack and what little is in there is leaking on the ground.  I bring this up as Phil points out to Focus on the Positives to start.

This isn't a plea to put on rose colored glasses and pretend each is perfect. Think back to how you met, fell in love, and got married.  It wasn't focusing on the speck in your spouses eye, ignoring the log in your own.

The challenge is to make your marriage a priority.  With our fast paced lives, endless gadgets keeping us more connected in more ways, it's hard to prioritize.  I'd like to close with a quote:

"It's time to fight for your marriage; not to fight with your spouse."


@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com

How to turn around in 10 days

I was blessed to review a great new book from Phillip Wagner. One of the cool things about Twitter, is a person I follow from a church in Oklahoma is friends with Phil who's a pastor in LA.

So, turn around what in 10 days you ask? How to Turn Around Your Marriage in Ten Days.

It is a great approach for our fast paced 21st century lives. In ten days you get thought provoking and challenging ideas to go from ok to great.

Join me over the next 10 days as I share my thoughts.

Click here for Book Trailer
@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com

Day 8; Play

This was fascinating, play can lead us to learn our partners needs.  Often as adults, we forget the learning and therapeutic value of play.  I know I have.  It's so easy to keep the schedule full, grab another gadget, check email, the news, etc.

Phil says it well, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and Jack's marriage is in trouble.

It's easy to say we played when courting, can't let that evaporate.


@PhilipWagnerLA 
www.philipwagner.com