What are your dreams? Your spouse? What a great capstone for the journey. Too often we grind it out. Just making it through day, what's on tap tomorrow, lock and load, here we go...
Dreams work better together. If you try to do it all alone, you might end up alone. You have a better chance of realizing a dream together. And it's more fun to have your best friend along to enjoy the journey.
There is a day 11, but it's more a reminder to keep building on these blocks from Days 11 to 11,000. Like reading the instructions on your shampoo bottle, same applies here; lather, rinse, repeat. Keep it going!
Best wishes to all who buy the book and thanks to Phil. Who had a dream of writing a book on how to help married couples and it became a reality in How to Turn Your Marriage Around in 10 Days.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Day 9; Needs
We all have needs. Like earlier post, life gets in the way. The neat thing about this book is by this point of the journey, you become more away of deeper things. I guess that's a summary point of why I enjoyed it so much. You are drawn in by the simplicity of a ten day journey, but Phil has a plan. As you step along the journey, you go from the shallow end of the pool into the deep end. Needs is like getting the guts to jump off the diving board. We both have needs. How can we work to meet those needs for each other?
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Day 7; Connection
Connect. It is what brought us together. Then life gets in the way.
I love the quote by Jeff Daly- Two monologues don't make a dialogue.
This was something I needed to hear. I have a Bachelor Degree in Communication though you'd never know it. I interrupt. Jump to conclusions without letting the other person finish.
What I needed to hear was the great info on the difference in how men and women process information;
Men tend to be literal,
Women naturally multi-task,
Women use more words...
These are near and dear to my wife's and my heart. I have needed to learn to see gray. Also, my wife can do two things at same time (listen to me and hammer away at PR release for Habitat for Humanity on PC). My wife also uses more words (back to that communication degree, if I think I got the point, but she's not done, learn to keep listening, as more often than once my first guess was wrong).
Phil's final advice is to pray together. This is a great section and is likely a change, it is for us, and not easy.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
I love the quote by Jeff Daly- Two monologues don't make a dialogue.
This was something I needed to hear. I have a Bachelor Degree in Communication though you'd never know it. I interrupt. Jump to conclusions without letting the other person finish.
What I needed to hear was the great info on the difference in how men and women process information;
Men tend to be literal,
Women naturally multi-task,
Women use more words...
These are near and dear to my wife's and my heart. I have needed to learn to see gray. Also, my wife can do two things at same time (listen to me and hammer away at PR release for Habitat for Humanity on PC). My wife also uses more words (back to that communication degree, if I think I got the point, but she's not done, learn to keep listening, as more often than once my first guess was wrong).
Phil's final advice is to pray together. This is a great section and is likely a change, it is for us, and not easy.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Day 6; Change
Only guarantees in life are death and taxes. Or as someone said on a sitcom, death in Texas (the character wasn't real bright).
I've learned professionally that change is inevitable. If you wait long enough, the joke goes, the initiative you haven't adopted will change to another. I have a file cabinet full of meeting notes sort of proving this point.
It isn't easy, but necessary to change. Phil though pointed out the key is overcoming past hurts. Wow, that's so true. We all come into relationships with past hurts. Baggage is a new term. Need to lighten our load will allow meaningful change.
If the word change bugs you, try other words;
adaptable,
flexible,
etc.
Whatever it takes, as Phil says, develop getting past your past.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
I've learned professionally that change is inevitable. If you wait long enough, the joke goes, the initiative you haven't adopted will change to another. I have a file cabinet full of meeting notes sort of proving this point.
It isn't easy, but necessary to change. Phil though pointed out the key is overcoming past hurts. Wow, that's so true. We all come into relationships with past hurts. Baggage is a new term. Need to lighten our load will allow meaningful change.
If the word change bugs you, try other words;
adaptable,
flexible,
etc.
Whatever it takes, as Phil says, develop getting past your past.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Day 5; Forgiveness
What a difficult topic for me. The easiest response is to hold a grudge. Forever if needed.In the chapter is a great observation, why is it easier to forgive strangers than those close to us?
Phil has excellent examples of couples, but he opens with an example so amazing, it is my personal template for forgiveness.
I've lived my whole life in southeastern Pennsylvania. The Anabaptist (Amish, Mennonite, Brethren etc.) and with age I've grown to admire their faith. The Amish community response after the Nickel Mine tragedy is the example.
What the world saw thanks to television was no pose for the community. In fact, they hate the attention and glare. This is how they live everyday. My late father was in a bad auto accident and the other driver was Anabaptist. They visited him in the hospital, asked what they could do to help. Never once did they worry about guilt or innocence. Glad he survived, what else can we do? This was so strange to us, almost hard to understand.
Forgiveness is powerful, not easy, but worth the work. I was glad to be reminded of the example set by my neighbors, and since I read chapter 5, as a horse drawn buggy slows my commute, I'm reminded of forgiveness. Not how late I'll arrive.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Phil has excellent examples of couples, but he opens with an example so amazing, it is my personal template for forgiveness.
I've lived my whole life in southeastern Pennsylvania. The Anabaptist (Amish, Mennonite, Brethren etc.) and with age I've grown to admire their faith. The Amish community response after the Nickel Mine tragedy is the example.
What the world saw thanks to television was no pose for the community. In fact, they hate the attention and glare. This is how they live everyday. My late father was in a bad auto accident and the other driver was Anabaptist. They visited him in the hospital, asked what they could do to help. Never once did they worry about guilt or innocence. Glad he survived, what else can we do? This was so strange to us, almost hard to understand.
Forgiveness is powerful, not easy, but worth the work. I was glad to be reminded of the example set by my neighbors, and since I read chapter 5, as a horse drawn buggy slows my commute, I'm reminded of forgiveness. Not how late I'll arrive.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Days 5 through 10...
My review stalled at day 4 of Phil Wagner book. Forgive me blogsphere, life became busy causing my adult ADD to neglect finishing my posts. Stay tuned and be well.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Day 4, Trust
As a career retail banker, trust its been a key to my success. If a customer can't trust you, or your team, and in turn company, you have nothing to build a solid relationship.
When trust is broken, infidelity in marriage for instance, it's often the end. I have examples in my head of folks I've met over the years that on broke the trust, and the other couldn't forgive.
Phil points out that the first thing is admit error, ask for forgiveness and commit to do whatever it takes to earn back trust. "Honesty is the currency that buys it back over time."
Not immediate fix but over time. Another hard thing to grasp in our instant information and gratification world.
There is other excellent information, looking at the upbringing of each person and the impact of their role models on trust and what happens if it's broken. Gina and I joke that after our first fight as a married couple, we thought oh my, we need to get attorneys, it's over. Phil points out something we learned-- we aren't going anywhere, it's safe to talk. Then no one bottles up issues and heads for that river in Egypt- denial.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
When trust is broken, infidelity in marriage for instance, it's often the end. I have examples in my head of folks I've met over the years that on broke the trust, and the other couldn't forgive.
Phil points out that the first thing is admit error, ask for forgiveness and commit to do whatever it takes to earn back trust. "Honesty is the currency that buys it back over time."
Not immediate fix but over time. Another hard thing to grasp in our instant information and gratification world.
There is other excellent information, looking at the upbringing of each person and the impact of their role models on trust and what happens if it's broken. Gina and I joke that after our first fight as a married couple, we thought oh my, we need to get attorneys, it's over. Phil points out something we learned-- we aren't going anywhere, it's safe to talk. Then no one bottles up issues and heads for that river in Egypt- denial.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Day 3, Admiration
In our instant info world, Admiration is lost art. At best its fleeting.
Phil has a great concept of Admiration Ladder.
Top rung is Admiration, then Endorsement, Acceptance and bottom is Rejection.
He says most relationships are middle rung of Acceptance and sadly, neglect can lead down to rejection. His challenge is to move up two rungs to Admiration. Tools are offered to make this leap. Recognize and admire our differences. I think this is oft forgotten. Opposites attract as it allows a couple to be more than the individual alone. I'm an introvert, my wife an extrovert. Need to recognize, admire and celebrate each others uniqueness.
This chapter has a great section on the differences between men and women. I enjoyed examples of couples working through the ladder as they neared rejection and divorce. Overcoming examples from our past, learning and making a change for the better as well as example for next generation as children learn.
His challenge is on Day 3 get on rung of acceptance but don't stop there, work to move up to Admiration.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
Phil has a great concept of Admiration Ladder.
Top rung is Admiration, then Endorsement, Acceptance and bottom is Rejection.
He says most relationships are middle rung of Acceptance and sadly, neglect can lead down to rejection. His challenge is to move up two rungs to Admiration. Tools are offered to make this leap. Recognize and admire our differences. I think this is oft forgotten. Opposites attract as it allows a couple to be more than the individual alone. I'm an introvert, my wife an extrovert. Need to recognize, admire and celebrate each others uniqueness.
This chapter has a great section on the differences between men and women. I enjoyed examples of couples working through the ladder as they neared rejection and divorce. Overcoming examples from our past, learning and making a change for the better as well as example for next generation as children learn.
His challenge is on Day 3 get on rung of acceptance but don't stop there, work to move up to Admiration.
@PhilipWagnerLA
www.philipwagner.com
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